For me sport activities at school and club level were rather painful. I don’t know why I put myself in the same place every day but I did. I was always last picked for the team during sport classes whether it be softball or football or anything else. In club sport I sat on the bench and watched others play with that small glimmer of hope I would be put on the field some time soon.
I’m not the most coordinated; but I paid my money so why can’t I play? I will never forget the year that my name was left out of the year book and when I raised the issue I was told that it wasn’t a big deal. Why then did I put myself in the same place day after day, year after year?
Because I like many others feed off of the desire to be with others, to interact, to have that friend you can hang out with. I dreamt that this would happen one day. Most people in my life came and went, I knew sometimes it was my fault but didn’t know why. I was that weird kid who sat in the library reading encyclopedias or took naps in the music room at lunch.
Many years on I look back at these thoughts and while some stay in my head, I’ve reached the point that I’ve realized I can’t change them and if I could, why would I?
My experiences are what have made me and I still seek out where I belong, I have started to ask why I am still out seeking, what if I have already found the place?
I have found one place where I have truly come into my own. My quirks are celebrated and I am free.
I quite often still sit and watch others desperately wanting to do what they do, I get sad for a while but I try not to envelope my self in this sadness but to grasp that thought with both hands and use it to give my feet that boost, that passion and that rekindling of wanting to be MY best.
While I love learning skills and challenging myself; I am finding my true passion lies in a different area.
That moment where I can kneel down and reach my hand out to that child, that child that is shy, scared and down on themselves. That child that has been trodden on, told they can’t do something because they don’t fit because of their disability or simply because they are larger, slower or shyer then others. That is why I get so upset when I hear children bullying others, saying things that makes that child doubt the possibilities.
When I can stand next to a child as they struggle to place their feet on the trapeze or hook their knees, that scariness when they let go for the first time. It turns to joy when their hands slide up the ropes and they sit up with a big satisfied grin on their face and delightfully exclaim “I did it”
That is when I close my eyes and say to to myself “this is where I’m meant to be”