One thing that has always upset me has not been my inability to make friends but having long lasting friendships. I am going to be the first to admit that seeing people that have been friends for long amounts of time intrigues me but also makes me a little sad. I always think to myself, why can’t you make friendships like that?
I have reached a time in my life where I am feeling as though for the first time in forever I am starting to forge the beginnings of friendships with people, people who share common interests and people who are around my age. While I enjoy these friendships very much, recent comments from a few people in my life have made me really think. I have thought long and hard about their comments and these are my conclusions.
Yes I am intense, I put great energy, strength and thought into things I love, to be honest five minutes with me and you will have a pretty darn good idea of the areas I am passionate about.
Yes sometimes I can be a handful, full on and I can’t just “get over it” it is how I am. I am working hard on the ability to have two sided conversations, it is a challenge for me and you may just find out enough information on my special interest areas to fill several encyclopedias but we all have to start somewhere.
3. Public Situations
My “out in public” skills need an oil change and major servicing, I will probably talk really loud or on the other hand really soft, I may stare, I may overload quickly, will probably walk into at least one pole, parked car or even a person while out and about and I struggle to tell if its safe to cross a road. I’m working on these too, sometimes I go to the other pole and talk so soft that you need a huge satellite to pick up what I’m say, but it’s OK if you ask nicely I may even repeat it a little louder or softer.
As for the staring, it’s getting there and the overload I am becoming much better at self regulating and pulling myself out of said situations to “cool down” as for the walking into things . . . that’s going to take a bit longer.
Or whatever you wish to call them . . . that encyclopedia knowledge. For me as I mentioned above you will probably know what they are within five minutes; actually I’d probably go with two minutes to be more accurate. In case you didn’t know I love circus, musicals and sport among many others.
I will travel, often interstate and I will see shows more than once. I am not “wasting my money” or “annoying people” I am being me- there are worse things I could be addicted to then going to the theatre.
How to know I am really comfortable with these: you will probably know about these in about thirty seconds give or take about twenty-nine seconds, they say I’m good at maths but i’ll get back to you on this one.
but its not all bad . . . I come in handy at trivia nights
What you see is what you get though, I will honestly try to breath a little, feel free to tell me to be quiet or “Nichole, I think we’ve heard enough about that” just do it nicely! -please and I would love it if you taught me what you are passionate about.
Some specialists and highly paid people believe that those on the Autism Spectrum have an inability to show emotion. They obviously haven’t met me. I will laugh (often at some rather inappropriate times), I have a very dry and sometimes twisted sense of humour, when I am upset, angry or on the verge of melting down you will know about it. Most often I get more frustrated and angry at myself then anyone else, I am harsh on myself and my own worst enemy.
Those I feel as though I bond with I will probably tell you more information about every going on in my life then you ever need to possibly know and come across as a handful or intense but I don’t know any other way and can only learn through experience.
One thing I ask though is for that chance . . .
and with that I leave you with this video which I think sums me up pretty well.
(video made by Sarah- Jill www.facebook.com/sarahsshout)